Daily Post, Life, Personal

A Single Song & A Thousand Thoughts

via Discover Challenge: Song

A story of one night (2 years ago, July 2014)

We were watching a a TV show, The Voice Kids (Ph)– a singing contest aired at nights during the weekends when a particular contestant, Lyca Gairanod, stood in the middle of the ring and started singing Dance with my father in her Tagalog version

I felt body tense as I did not know how to feel about it when I had my father laying in bed beside me watch the same thing.

The song, at that moment, felt like a song for when he is gone and done fighting his battle against cancer. And somehow, it twisted something in my chest as I took a deep breath and exhaled nervously.

Nevertherless, I glanced beside me and saw him just mindlessly watching the show. Or if he is thinking of something else, I do not know. But my mother was another case. She was sobbing beside my father – silent tears streaming down her face. And her expression – God, how can such a strong woman break down silently like that. It broke my heart so much I, too, felt like crying. But I held it in and took another deep breath to steady myself.

Present.

It was a painful thing that night. Well, somehow it is still a painful thing today. But who knew that that same song, the original by Luther Vandross actually, will remain as a remembrance of the father we once have.

Who knew that that song will actually last me a lifetime of wistful thinking and prayers of another moment for my father and mother – just one moment that my mother can actually see him once again. To ease her loneliness, her sorrow, and see her smile that one smile she always has when she’s with him. God, how it still clenches my heart when I think about it.

And yet images and wistful thinking did not end with that wish and prayer for my mother as I, too, had my fair share of wistful thinking for myself and for my brother.

Nights when missing him is the only thing in my mind, I see him in the future I might have had if only he lived through his battle. Nights like tonight I imagine him watching me march as I finish off college and finally get that diploma he worked so hard to provide for, watch me get my first job, watch me finally reach my dream of going abroad, and even more so, watch as finally, my brother – his son, too gets on the stage and finish of college – that maybe, somehow, if fate had permitted, father and son had spent more time together.

My mother and father – they could have had grown old together and fulfilled their life long promises. So many dreams, so many promises.

And yet all we can have at this moment in time are those wistful thinking we had whenever that song plays.

That song, so beautiful yet still so heartbreaking simply because of all the unsaid promises and glimpses of the the future we could have had if he were still with us.

So, as we hear the song, whenever, wherever – there you’ll find us three looking up in the sky, on the road, or somewhere else with longing and distant looks in our eyes, faint smiles, and silent prayers in our head.

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Life, Personal, writing

A Fighter Worth Everything

A loving wife, a mother of four, and a sister to six others.

She is a strong willed woman, stubborn against all oddities of cancer. She fought relentlessly and held on to her Faith – unfazed by all circumstances cancer threw her way.

She remained strong, smiled through tough times, cried, and a few times (or more) got angry and frustrated with all the pain she feels. Nevertheless, she proved that it takes more than her illness to bring her down, to lose her faith, and bring destruction upon her family.

She might not be here physically but her memories, her legacy, her stories will always stay and be remembered by people who surround her.

A tough woman in her early sixties – feisty and loud, sometimes even a nagger – not only to her husband or children, but to all of us – pamangkin, kapatid, kaibigan. Selfless, dedicated, sincere, and caring, a stage mother supportive of her children’s dream.

She fought a long time and now she’s finally in a better place. In her own paradise where no illness, hardship, or pain will come her way. A place where she can – we can finally, truly say she is Home.

You see even in this situation, she never succumbed to the harshness of her illness. Rather, she gained the Mercy of the One above and His Kingdom.

Her chapter on Earth may have ended; nevertheless, her journey was not in vain as she had laughed lots of times, loved a long time, and lived life to the fullest.

And just like how I heard one person say, I quote, “my grandfather did not die. He did not die because he is such a good man and a good man does not die. He just stopped breathing.”

Thus, in the same light, our Tita did not die. She did not die because she is a good person and a good person does not die. She just stopped breathing.

Tita Edith, tulad nga ng sinabi ng marami, Maraming maraming salamat – sa lahat ng tulong, sa lahat ng alaala at suporta, at higit sa lahat, salamat sa pagkakataon na ibinigay mo sa aming lahat na makilala ka’t maging parte ng buhay mo at mapagsilbihan ka kahit sa huling pagkakataon.

Watch over everyone Tita. We love you.

Hanggang sa muli nating pagkikita.

 

 

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Life, Personal, writing

Memories of July

For most of us, July’s just part of the 12 months in a year. The 7th one to be exact.

Others would call for a celebration – baptism, birthday, wedding/ wedding anniversary. Basically anything.

But still it’s July, the same 7th month of each year.

For us, it’s a different kind of anniversary. Because it’s an anniversary that marks the final chapter of one person’s life. Continue reading

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Personal

A Land Called Paradise

A land called paradise. “Is there such a thing as that?” I thought to myself a few years back. Then a year ago, July 2015, I thought I saw something similar to it (if it is not Paradise). Its a funny thing though. It wasn’t a palace floating on clouds with so many glittery, shiny things, and yet you’d realize that it is Paradise.

Some of you maybe asking, what the heck is she saying? What is she blabbering about?

Well, it is Paradise.

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Life, Personal

Fighting the Big C.

A First One

So this will the first ever blog that I’ll be posting for this site. I have actually written this way back in 2015. It is actually a personal journey and a first step I took towards healing my broken heart. So here it goes…

May 11, 2015

at the Beato first pav

Just today I had the inspiration to write a promised journal. And the story goes this way.

A year back, April 2014, my dear father came home from UAE for treatment – surgery actually to remove his tumor. No one knows his true condition, though. But as the surgery went by, it was confirmed to be a Colorectal Cancer in the advance stage – more commonly known as Colon Cancer Stage 4 and the battle seemed to last forever.

But of course it didn’t. 

Continue reading

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